Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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