Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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