fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
