Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
