I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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