so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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