I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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