Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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