do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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