how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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