girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
