I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
