I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
