You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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