We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
