there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
