you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
