It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
