When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
