I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
