Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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