No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wear drunk well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
