Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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