Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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