So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
