At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
