My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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