She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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