Me. At least after what I've been through.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
