right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
