there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
