Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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