how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
