Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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