i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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