I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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