So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
