just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
