So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
