Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Are my feet made of real feet?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
