i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
