Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
