At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want nice things and good sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
