I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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