mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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