so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
