tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
