so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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