My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
