i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
