I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
