I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
