Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
