I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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