My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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