His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
