So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
