So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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